Monday, July 11, 2011

Never Grow Up

So many people in my life growing up so fast. So many changes this year.

My little sister turns 18 on Friday. I remember her first day of school, her first day  of middle school, her first day of high school. Now it's almost time for the first day of college. She has gone through her first boyfriend, first kiss, first date, first heartache. She's had her first car, first job, first fight with her first best friend. She is about to make more memories, she has her goals set amongst the stars. And I have no doubts that she will reach her dreams and exceed everyone's expectations. That's what she does. I am so proud of that girl. And even though we have fought over the years the friendship that we are kindling will grow through out life.

I have to admit the thought of my sister going off to college in the state capital scares me. Not because I think she is stupid. Not because I think she doesn't know how to take care of herself. Simply because I know there are people who don't care who you are, what you know, anything else. They are predators and they can tell a pretty story in their attempt to make you stick close to them, to get whatever they want from you. Dickweeds. And I don't want my sister to fall prey. I don't want her to think that it can't happen to her and let her guard down. I pray that she will remember that her sister doesn't want her to not have any fun, just to be safe. I pray that I can find a way to warn her of the dangers that are very real, even in this corn field we call home, so she can keep herself safe. And I pray that I can keep the doors of communication open between ourselves so she will call me if she ever finds the need to have her big sister help her. And most of all I pray that she is willing to admit when she needs help.

My dd starts kindergarten in a little over a month. It's hard to believe its been 5 years since I brought her home. 5 years of tears, laughter, joy and trials. She is so smart, so strong, so brave. She knows all these things that are amazing to me And I love her. I am not ready to let her go off to school.  I want her to learn all the skills she will need for life, but I don't want to let someone else teach her those skills. I don't want to miss out on all those life moments. But I have to hand over the reins of teaching to some one else so I can earn the living we need. Even with dh working we aren't making enough to survive without me working. And so I don't have a choice. I can only hope that I can teach her at home patience, love, kindness, and the fruits of hard work.

I'm in an introspective mood tonight. It happens.

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